Tuesday, June 12, 2012

after the day, night

At the end of the {long} day, after all the {meticulous} planning, organizing and {tedious} editing; after the {rude} phone calls and the {pleasant}ones; after {friendly} texting and {heart-to-heart} conversations; after {begrudgingly} walking the {rowdy} dogs and {gratefully} playing in the {refreshing} river; after watering my {growing!} garden and {impatiently} checking for fruit; after {needlessly} worrying and {ferociously} reading; after {shamelessly} procrastinating and {absentmindedly} grilling; after this and that and sweeping and tidying and washing the dinner dishes and filling my antique pitcher with fresh water ....

.... this strong heart lays in bed.

I lay in bed and the tears come and there's nothing I can do to stop them. They're coming faster than they can fall and the hurt that starts deep in my soul rises to the surface in merciless waves. My head is screeching for it to stop, but my {strong} heart {bravely} marches forward with {surgical} {firm} {gentle} precision.

You will remember.
You will feel.
You will cry.
You will mourn.

But I don't want to.

But you must.
And you will.
And you should.

So I do, until 2:30 a.m. when somewhere between the thousandth tear falling and the gulp for new air, I fall asleep.


Kristin said...

I love this writing, but I hate this feeling for you, friend.

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

I remember this feeling so well...and I hate it. But, I love you and the joy and light you bring to my life not IN SPITE of the fact that we are messy, don't always have it figured it, still trying to work through shit, we can do it on our own, but can I please get a little help here now? But BECAUSE OF it.

No matter how many miles separate us, you will always be my kindred spirit, pieces of our souls wrapped up in each other. Love you!