Thursday, July 29, 2010


A friend challenged me a couple weeks ago not to text and drive. Actually, he didn't challenge me, per se. He just asked me not to. And since he said "please", I decided to try and oblige.

Yes. That means I have been a drexter of days, weeks and months past. But like you, my fellow drexting fiends, I have been guilty of thinking that I was above wrecking or swerving or even touching the yellow or white lines with one hand on the wheel and the other typing out Facebook statuses on my Blackberry.

Yeah. I even Facebooked while driving.

But I've stopped all that. And it's made me think: is my life or the life of someone else really worth a text message? If I crashed and died while texting "see you soon!" or "OMG, you would not believe the day I've had" or "wait till I show you what I bought on sale" - is that something to die for? Hmmmm....

So I texted (while not in a vehicle!) my entire family and challenged them to the same challenge I'm holding myself to. And later when I got home from work, I gave them my reasons. For whatever reason, we tune mom out (who's been nagging us for awhile about this) but we tend to listen better to each other (go figure!) so nearly every day we have a 'drexting' update and we hold each other to our pledge.

Facebook can wait.
If it's something terribly important, call the person.
Or if it's a matter of life and death, pull over and text/email.

For that reason, if you text me and you don't get an immediate reply, it's because I'm driving.

And I don't text and drive. Anymore.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

36 things every single girl should do...

I recently read an article that listed 36 things every single girl should do before they get hitched/tied down/married/restricted/ball-and-chain/what have you.

The list is awesome. And the fact that I've done very many things on this list, makes me wonder if my life of singlehood could be coming to a close. I mean, after all 36 things are completed what else is there?

Of course, I'm joking. I've never been nor never will be a desperate single, sniffling about my singleness, scratching my head wondering when it will end, or crying in my milk that I have no one (NO ONE!) to share my milk with. There's more to life, yes? (and everyone shouts) YES!!!

But for your reading pleasure and my writing pleasure, here's the list and my narrative.

1) Go to a movie alone, which I have done. And I've blogged about it too but for the life of me I can't find it. But really, going to a movie alone sounds simple but it's really not. It takes courage.
2) Lift weights. I haven't lifted weights per se but I have worked out like crazy in another life of mine.
3) Try something you don't already know how to do. Check.
4) Take out the trash, set a mousetrap, do your taxes, build a bookcase. Check, check, check and check. Setting the mousetrap was probably the single most scariest experience of my life. Building a bookcase was incredibly frustrating. Trash and taxes - no problem.
5) Live alone. Been there, done that, would prefer to never do it again.
6) Train for (and finish) a huge physical test. Done it - in the form of the Ultimate Body Challenge before my body went ape-shit on me.
7) Go to a scary doctor's appointment by yourself.
8) Quit your job. Uh-huh. I did. Scary stuff but I'm glad.
9) Fly to a foriegn country by yourself.
10) Learn to stand up for yourself. Can't say that's a problem for me.
11) Witness something once-in-a-lifetime. I'd say gliding was pretty once in a lifetime for me.
12) Revel in being able to watch all the reality TV you want. You don't have to tell me twice. While most reality TV is highly annoying, I do have my indulgences.
13) Get drunk, during the day, just because you can. Have I ever told you about those summer days riding horses for 8 or 9 hours a day? Yeah....
14) Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous. what if every date makes me nervous?
15) Go out with an older man. Okay.
16) Go out with a guy who makes you laugh.
17) Be a good wingwoman. I love my friends.
18) Chill with your widowed and single grandmother.
19) Volunteer. Yes, of course. No feeling like it in the world.
20) Do at least one Valentine's Day alone. Yep. I've learned to treat myself to things I want - fresh flowers, jewelry...
21) Attend a wedding alone. Yes! Oh man, I'd forgotten about those experiences.
22) Date the creeps. While I haven't dated the creeps, the creeps have found me. So I think it counts.
23) Buy yourself some flowers. Used to be a once-a-week ritual
24) Buy a little black dress and stilletos. I have bought a little black dress and cowboy boots, which are like stilletos for me. And no, I didn't wear them together.
25) Sit at a bar and drink a martini by yourself. This is actually FUN! Who would've thought?!
26) Buy something frivolous and expensive.
27) Finish all your schooling if you can. (I still want my Ph.D)
28) Throw yourself into something time-consuming. How about my career?
29) Make a list of all your faults.
30) Learn to cook well. Must say, I'm a pretty damn good cook.
31) Get some hobbies. I love my hobbies.
32) Let your married friends edit your online dating profile. Okay, while they haven't edited it, my best friend and sisters and brothers have certainly helped me browse.
33) Get your finances in order. Workin' on it.
34) Babysit someone's baby for an hour. Consider it done.
35) Help a friend through her divorce or break-up. I've had my shoulder cried on.
36) Host a girls-only night. I love to!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

in no particular order

My mind is full so here is a mental spewing.

- am I the only one who gets in the shower and realizes I have no towels readily available?
- I introduced my younger siblings to the classic, "The Little Princess" last night. According to my little brother, "Classics suck" but he managed to hang with us through the whole movie.
- I could not walk two days last week after riding horses two days in a row.
- I've been really sarcastic and harsh the past week. It might be time for another "Be Nice Challenge."
- I'm currently watching Juno.

Is it possible that my mind full of spewing things is tired and going to bed soon? And that means this post is over?

Uh-huh. Over.


Skye decided it was too hot to pester the horses. So she watched them from the comfort of her pool.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Dog training and my confidence

The two are directly related - at least for me.

So, everyone knows Skye. And everyone knows she likes to chase and kill running animals when she gets the chance. Because of this, she is n-e-v-e-r off-leash because we've always lived where running animals (i.e. sheep and cows) were in abundance. And these are things I would like for her not to kill.

But now the only running animals we have are the horses and even still, for the past week, I've kept her on-leash or tied out. She's never chased horses but here's where my lack of confidence comes in.

What if she does and I can't control her?

Last night my brother Daniel said, "Let Skye off her leash. Just do it. The horses aren't going to let themselves be run all over." His confidence boosted mine and I let Skye loose.

She was ecstatic to be running along with me to the pasture and satisfied her apparent water craving by jumping in the horse's trough.

Then the horses started showing up and of course, her herding instincts took over and she started pacing around behind them, nipping at their heels and trying her damnedst to get someone to run.

By the time the night was over, she'd been kicked in the face twice, rolled once, kicked in the side and head on attacked by one of the geldings. You'd think she'd learn a lesson or something.

But no. While they ate, she paced behind their back legs, circling wide around the gelding who chased her and kicked her in the face. Apparently he taught her a personal lesson but she didn't carry it over to the other four-legged creatures with the same kicking capabilities.

Today when I got home, I let her off her run and again, she excitedly followed me out to the pasture to the water trough.

"You got your confidence up, huh, Holly?" asked my little brother as we walked by.

That's when I realized - this whole dog training thing is more about me growing a pair and trusting my animal than it is about anything else.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Living the Adventure

Life isn't about getting everything right the first time, says the optimistic perfectionist.

Sometimes it's about getting home and realizing the 30 minutes you spent standing in the underwear aisle at Wal-Mart were wasted because while you were trying to remember what kind of underwear you buy in the first place, your granny-panty heart was drawn to, well, granny panties (a.k.a briefs) but you didn't know that until you got home and unpackaged all 12 pair. And since you're too lazy to package them back up and exchange them for hipsters or low-risers or thongs or boy shorts or hi-cuts ... you keep them. You keep them all.

And, for S's and G's, you accidentally spill your cup of spit-out sunflower seed shells on the floor while writing this.

Who said life was boring?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

UM, continued

Umpire Man texted me tonight.

"Are we okay?"

I guess he was feeling insecure after he asked me two days ago when he could see me and I didn't reply.

But, are we okay? This implies a lot of things (okay, mainly one thing) I don't want to think about.

We? Really. We met one time. We are not a we.

So I replied: "We? I'm doing good. I've moved to the town I went to college in." Slight exaggeration but I'm going with it anyway.

"I'll miss you; you were intelligent and cute as hell."

I thanked him and wished him the best of luck. (What do you say that, really? Except thank you and best of luck?)

To me, this is the end of a conversation. If you and I were drinking coffee and you left and I waved and said, "Thank you. Best of luck to you!" that would be the end. Well, you might wave back. But still. No more talking.

A minute later..."Are you there?"

Yes, Umpire Man. I am.

"You are a sexy cat."

A sexy cat. I've been called a lot of things including a loud mouth bitch just last night but never a sexy cat.

I replied with the standard, "lol" and he said, "Why?"

"Because I only met you once," I said. I wanted to say, "Good night, I'm going to bed" but I was afraid that would open a whole other can of worms.

"Yes but you had a cute ass."

There's this thing called sexting and I think he was trying his darndest. "Are you ready to take it further?" he asked.

Am I really having this conversation right now?

In light of my recent encounters with men, it's amazing that I'm not a complete manhater. Because at moments like these I want to be so bad. Seriously. What kind of egotistical, chauvanistic man thinks I'd actually be interested in communicating like this?

"No, I'm not," I replied. "Good luck, though, with someone else."

No reply. And that's good. Because my little brother had texted my bigger-little brother the guy's number and they were ready to take care of the situation themselves.

That's my kind of man.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Wake-up Call

She was my wake-up call this morning.
But mostly she just wanted to lay there until we were both awake.


I like making fun of people. Whether it's the stripper boots at my brother's graduation, the fashion violation at the bowling alley or...myself, I do enjoy laughing.

It's not polite and it's not nice, I understand this.

But to curb my public display of laughing out loud at strangers is my family who provide me with many opportunities to laugh.

Like on Wednesday when Mom came into the kitchen and announced with gusto, "Well, it's humpback day!"

Or today when, as we were approaching the Border Patrol checkpoint, she said, "Once we get through the check-out point....."

"Mom, we're not at Wal-Mart," I interrupted. No, I do not let mocking opportunities like these go by.
My blunder topped it all off, though. And feel free to laugh because I laughed at myself to the point of tears.

When walking towards the back door with Mom's keys in hand, I hit the 'unlock' button on her truck key ... and I fully expected the back door to open. When it didn't, I was confused.

So. Laugh at yourself, laugh at others, laugh just because!

Thursday, July 8, 2010


I'd been wanting to blog about showers for a few days now and then tonight when I picked up my new book, "Handbook of Magazine Article Writing" I knew it was meant to be.

Uh-huh. Writing about showers. Not rain showers. Scrubby-dub-dub showers.

I shower irregularly. I'm not one of those "morning shower" people or "before-bed-time showerer".

I shower when I'm mad.
When I'm cold.
When I'm hot.
When I'm tired.
When my muscles need to relax.
When I need to think.

And that's when I read that the number one thing to do when you need ideas for writing is to take lots of showers, I knew I was destined to be a writer.

I have written masterpieces in the shower. I have thought my best ideas in the shower. I have ranted letters in my head that will never be printed. I've made plans, washed stress away, and shaved my underarms twice because I forgot I'd done it the first time.

And according to my new book, there's no other place to be for inspiration.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Mostly an expose on why I'm single and why men are creepy sometimes (in my opinion)

I met a guy last week, an umpire at my brother's baseball game. I gave him my business card so he could contact me for a future story about orthopedics and baseball (cool story, yes?) but realized not long after that while I was thinking strictly professional reporter mode, his thoughts were taking him in a different direction. A direction he let me know not too long into our conversation.

This is the moment I've been waiting for, right? The moment when Fate says, "You shall meet him, he shall meet you and sparks shall fly."

Shortly after I politely pried myself out of the conversation - which included his repeated gratitude that I was over 18 because he "didn't want to go to hell or jail" and his repeated assurance that he wasn't stalking me, and that he thought I was "cute" and that I "picqued" his "interest" - he started texting me. Because, remember, I'd given him my business card and on my business card is my cell phone number.

A mere ten hours after meeting this person, he asked me if I liked surprises. I replied with "Typically, no." And he said, "What about someone coming to visit you?"

Time out. Time out.

This is when the man-who-assured-me-he-wasn't-stalking-me starts to make me think he's stalking me.

I said, "Yeah, I'm not comfortable with that, sorry." And he replied, "Don't apologize; you're awesome just as you are."

Okay. Here is where I start realizing that what probably works on most girls

I thought about this a lot today. Today, while I was driving and my phone was buzzing thanks to Umpire Man's dedicated communication. He mentioned he would have come to see me but I don't like surprises. He said he's been hurt a lot and wanted to know about me. I said, "I'm pretty independent, stubborn and strong-headed - all things that are excellent for living alone."

"Sounds challenging...but worthwhile," he replied.

Now I feel like a competition with a prize at the end.

I'm sure that Umpire Man did not intend to invoke these thoughts from me with his comments but it made me start thinking about this whole process. The process of man pursuing woman, what works and what doesn't. For me, anyway.

1) the more someone tells me they're not stalking me, the more I think they are
2) I don't want to feel like something that needs to be conquered
3) don't insinuate that I will know you for a long time by making comments like, "you'll figure this out about me...." or "once you know me better, you'll understand...."

I tried to cut him a little bit of slack especially because one of my sisters thought I was too harsh and even threw out a, "You need to give him a chance; no wonder you're single!" But I'm just not feeling it.

I feel confined, crowded and that makes me only want to do one thing - run!

Basically, my message is this: men, don't be creepy.

And really, I come back to one of my original points in past posts - I choose to be single.

Maybe one day when Fate sends an individual across my path and conversation ensues in which no mention of stalking me is made then maybe we'll talk.

Until then: good night, Umpire Man.