Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The post about boredom

It's Day Two of my pledge to be nice and it's been a success! I've held back sarcastic digs, criticism and I've resisted the urge to be bossy. You might not have known I could be/do all those things but now you do.

It's a fault, really. I promise.

I've been on the ranch for almost four months. I absolutely love being with my family; that probably won't change.

But over the past few weeks, I've reached a new respect for them and I've realized that I don't have the mental strength to survive here for as long as they have.

I remember having phone conversations with mom and her sharing about loneliness and feeling as if she had no purpose on the mountain. I didn't really understand. Now I do. And I told her that the other day. I even semi-apologized for not being as sympathetic as I should have been.

Let me say this - it is beautiful here. It is serene. It is paradise-like. It is quiet. The mountains are reassuring to me; the landscape is comforting.

But sometimes they start closing in. The wildness starts being more untame and there are times when I'm brutally reminded that it is wild, not completely tameable. I have to maintain a healthy respect but I want it reciprocated and most of the time it's not.

My family is much stronger then I am. And I've told them that. I want to run from the mountains; they've learned to somehow harness the wildness and use it for their benefit. If nothing else, they haven't given it the satisfaction of winning.

1 comment:

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

Ok, apparently I'm going to comment on every one of your posts. We ARE the same person...it's scary! How do you combat the lonliness? I'm still trying to figure this out...somehow I never felt this lonely by the ocean even when I was constantly alone. Oh life...why much you throw these curve balls?