Tuesday, February 28, 2012

stalled and kinder

I feel useless when I'm sick, and when I feel useless I feel worthless and than that conjure up all the emotions you might feel when you feel worthless and that's what attacks my mental state.

You know the feeling...when even the miniscule things are mountains.

"The grass is really tall" is mentally interpreted as, "OMG, if you don't get a weed-whacker to this NOW, you're getting kicked out and you've probably violated even the COUNTRY code of ordinance for how tall your grass can be!!"

"You have trash in your car" becomes "If anyone looked into the passenger side of your vehicle right now (the side that doesn't have a mirror screwed into the plastic doo-hicky-thing) they would assume you're a SLOB, a filthy, filthy slob. You better get those rolled up newspapers out of here PRONTO."

"The kitchen floor is sticky from the hydrogen-peroxide/vinegar mix from the Skunk Era" translates into, "You're a terrible housekeeper."

"It's February 28 and you still haven't started your seedlings" means "Your garden is screwed this year...screwed. You're late and you will not have fresh vegetables."

See what I mean?

I texted a friend this morning: "I'm trying not to be overwhelmed by my lack of productivity over the last four days."

She texted back: "It's hard to be stalled by sickness."

Stalled. It resonated with me in the pity-party moment I was in, because that's what I am. I'm temporarily slowed down, stalled, but not waylaid.

I told another friend that I realized I'm older and recovery is taking longer. Her response: "It's not a bad realization...it means we're kinder to our bodies and not impatient with ourselves."

Again, resonation.

1 comment:

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

Is it weird that I feel kind of like a celebrity when you mention me (even if not by name) in your blog? Also, is it weird that I kind of want to move to Texas just so we can be closer and I can bring you tea and sympathy when you're not feeling well? I hate being separated by so many miles.....