Friday, July 13, 2012


I believe that everyone needs an eccentric neighbor.

The kind you can talk about, whisper about, text your friends about (OMG, you'll never believe what my neighbor just did...)

I've had neighbors who slept on a mattress on their second-story roof. I've had neighbors who mowed their lawn I've had neighbors who were my friends, and neighbors who I'm sure hated being my neighbor. I've had neighbors who stared at me through the rain (that image will forever be engraved in my soul), and neighbors who brought me cookies.

I am the eccentric neighbor everyone needs to have.

I walk in circles around my neighbor's house every morning and every evening, sometimes 20 times. (Ten circles equal a mile.)

I can be heard calling or speaking to my dogs starting at 6:30 a.m. until as late as midnight. Sometimes I whisper-yell their names.

I speak in full conversational language to my animals, and sometimes to my tomato plants.

I do not pay particular attention to the clothes I wear (or don't wear) when I let my dogs in/out for their last potty break of the night.

I never wear a bra on my days off.

I will fire up my little charcoal grill on the front stoop, and then ask my neighbors if they want to use my leftover hot coals.

I beat my dogs with sticks off of kittens.

I go through a mental checklist every morning before I leave for work and when I'm satisfied that I have everything I need, I say, "Yep," out loud.

I have an unusual supply of VHS movies.

I can be heard saying, "Bye, Skye, momma loves you. I'll be home soon," every morning when I leave the Cottage.

I do not collect the newspaper every day that's thrown in my driveway.

I speak random words in German.

I hang my clothes outside to dry sometimes.

I walk around barefoot.

I encourage my dogs to engage in play with me that looks as though I'm being mauled.

I have few visitors and almost never men.

I pull random shit out of burn piles and build bookshelves, reconstruct picture frames and paint old tin.

I bring in all my groceries in one trip. Two, maximum.

I'd like to think it's normal to have abnormal neighbors, because if it weren't then where would I fit in?

So, 'fess up. Are you the eccentric neighbor?

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