Wednesday, July 8, 2009

There's a skunk involved

It was multiple factors that led to my recent epiphony.

Epiphony being that as long as I continue to battle with insomnia, I might as well use that extra time to exercise.

Multiple factors being that A) I can't sleep, B) there's not a lot of TV on at night C) watching TV at night makes me tired but then as soon as I think I've tricked myself into going to sleep - I can't and D) Skye woke me up at 2:15 this morning by placing her left paw on the right side of my face. I ignored her and groaned, knowing that the likelihood of me going back to sleep was slim. And I was correct. But when I did go back to sleep, it was a sleep full of dreams of sinking boats, land before water, and a toilet from my childhood...clogged. So when I woke up with a start at 5:10 a.m. with the intense smell of poop in my bedroom, I wondered at first if it was my dream or if it was indeed poop.

It was the latter. Apparently, there'd been a good reason as to why Skye face-pawed me three hours earlier.

(and yes, that's all part of the D section up there...I hadn't forgotten)

All of these factors led me to determine that if I can't sleep anyway, then why not just put that energy to a use other then laying in bed trying to solve my problems, the world's and everyone's inbetween.

All of this leads me to this story:

Tonight I got home from a busy but good day, ending with small group and an impromptu prayer time for me and my recent discouragement/depression regarding current Life Situation. Naturally, when I got home, I wasn't tired. So I decided straight-away to put my newfound epiphony to use.

I told Lucas I was going to take Skye for a walk and if I turned up missing to please oblige and come searching. I've been watching enough re-runs of WE-TV and Oxygen to know what happens when stupid ladies disappear into the night only to never return. Little did I know I'd be facing my own nemesis (es) tonight.

With Skye on her leash and Jada and Tobi (my sister's little dog) running ahead of us, we started walking in the night. We made it down one stretch of road and I turned the corner to make it a short walk. We were on our way back and I decided to let go of Skye's leash and give her some running room, which she enjoyed indeed.

I had just picked up her leash again when (SECONDS LATER!!!) Jada and Tobi dart under a fence on our left and start antagonizing something in the tall grass. There was lots of scurrying and rustling going on and the whole time I'm whisper-yelling at Jada to "come here!"

She came but Tobi persisted at whatever the thing was and would not come. Skye, of course, is going bananas and nearly pulled me to the ground in her mad-woman attempts to GET AT IT.

Still, I had no idea what IT was until I smelled it.

You've got to be kidding, was the thought in my head.

With Jada contained by me and Skye twisting circles at the end of her leash, I decided to leave Tobi, who wasn't listening anyway, and get away. I didn't know if skunks attacked after spraying or not.

I texted Lucas: "I think Tobi just got sprayed by a skunk."

"Nice!" was his reply.

I started walking with my dogs to get home but we were still a good ways off.

Skunk spray must be their rallying call.

I swear on my car title that from that exact moment till the time we got home, we were accosted by skunks on every side. And there was one that charged us and made me start running. At one point, I wanted to call Lucas and have him come get us because it really felt like I was going to die by skunk.

Really, I'm a big woos.

So I make it home, jumping at every shadow and light illusion. I put the dogs in the backyard and walk on the front porch to tell Lucas I still had to go back for Tobi.

"Um, wow. You stink."

Thus began my night of questioning: "do I stink now? huh, what about now? I just took a shower, what about now? I think I smell me now, do you? am I going to stink up everywhere I go? can you smell me in the house? I can't smell it nose is numb. Do I still stink?"

Long story short, we went and got some de-skunk smeller from his dad's ("does it work for humans? huh? maybe I should just Google right now what to do for skunks on humans. do I take a bath in it?"), looked a little bit for Tobi, couldn't find him, saw tons more skunks while driving, got home, my dogs reek and about 20 minutes later, Tobi comes back.

Now I'm sitting here at the computer and I really am thinking that I smell myself. I took all my clothes, including my (only good!) bra (which, yes, REEKED!), put them in a plastic bag and they are now outside, probably never to be used again.

My worst fear?

That everywhere I go, people are going to wonder what that smell is and I'm going to be asking, "do i stink?"

1 comment:

Kristin said...

Wow ... what an adventure. :)