Saturday, September 29, 2012

when my mind is silent

My mind is rarely quiet.

It yells, whispers, talks, suggests, doubts, plans, reasons, gets me out of bed at night, sends me scrambling for a pen and paper at random times, forces me to write emails and text messages to myself on my phone. It tunes out the radio and makes my commute evaporate. It wonders, wanders, fantasizes, dreams. plots.

And sometimes it's exhausting.

People have asked me, "Holly, why are you running?"

The answer is glorious.

"Because for that 20, or 30, or 45, or 60 minutes, I am not thinking about anything, but running."

They look confused. Well, that doesn't sound like fun.

"You don't understand. My mind is constantly thinking, obsessing, fixing, debating, weighing....and for the entirety of my run, I'm not trying to solve problems (other people's or my own), I'm not planning, I'm not researching, or devising, or worrying, or making any decisions outside of: make it to that light pole. Sprint to the stop sign. Do the loop again. Breath. Walk for a second. Now run again. You're getting stronger. You're doing this."

The other reason I run is because my body is improving. It's getting tighter, it's getting fit.

And I love it.

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