Sunday, July 4, 2010

Mostly an expose on why I'm single and why men are creepy sometimes (in my opinion)

I met a guy last week, an umpire at my brother's baseball game. I gave him my business card so he could contact me for a future story about orthopedics and baseball (cool story, yes?) but realized not long after that while I was thinking strictly professional reporter mode, his thoughts were taking him in a different direction. A direction he let me know not too long into our conversation.

This is the moment I've been waiting for, right? The moment when Fate says, "You shall meet him, he shall meet you and sparks shall fly."

Shortly after I politely pried myself out of the conversation - which included his repeated gratitude that I was over 18 because he "didn't want to go to hell or jail" and his repeated assurance that he wasn't stalking me, and that he thought I was "cute" and that I "picqued" his "interest" - he started texting me. Because, remember, I'd given him my business card and on my business card is my cell phone number.

A mere ten hours after meeting this person, he asked me if I liked surprises. I replied with "Typically, no." And he said, "What about someone coming to visit you?"

Time out. Time out.

This is when the man-who-assured-me-he-wasn't-stalking-me starts to make me think he's stalking me.

I said, "Yeah, I'm not comfortable with that, sorry." And he replied, "Don't apologize; you're awesome just as you are."

Okay. Here is where I start realizing that what probably works on most girls does.not.work.for.me.

I thought about this a lot today. Today, while I was driving and my phone was buzzing thanks to Umpire Man's dedicated communication. He mentioned he would have come to see me but I don't like surprises. He said he's been hurt a lot and wanted to know about me. I said, "I'm pretty independent, stubborn and strong-headed - all things that are excellent for living alone."

"Sounds challenging...but worthwhile," he replied.

Now I feel like a competition with a prize at the end.

I'm sure that Umpire Man did not intend to invoke these thoughts from me with his comments but it made me start thinking about this whole process. The process of man pursuing woman, what works and what doesn't. For me, anyway.

1) the more someone tells me they're not stalking me, the more I think they are
2) I don't want to feel like something that needs to be conquered
3) don't insinuate that I will know you for a long time by making comments like, "you'll figure this out about me...." or "once you know me better, you'll understand...."

I tried to cut him a little bit of slack especially because one of my sisters thought I was too harsh and even threw out a, "You need to give him a chance; no wonder you're single!" But I'm just not feeling it.

I feel confined, crowded and that makes me only want to do one thing - run!

Basically, my message is this: men, don't be creepy.

And really, I come back to one of my original points in past posts - I choose to be single.

Maybe one day when Fate sends an individual across my path and conversation ensues in which no mention of stalking me is made then maybe we'll talk.

Until then: good night, Umpire Man.

4 comments:

Kristin said...

Well written. And, please, don't settle for a creepy stalker. :)

Anonymous said...

You are just too funny! Thoroughly entertaining - and yes, a little creepy too. :) And NO, that's now why you are single. God has someone very special in mind for you... it could be that he is not yet ready. Blessings!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, kind of creepy but he was right on several points....you are beautiful, you do pique interest, you ARE awesome just as you are, you are challenging and you are worthwhile!!!!! So at least the guy has good taste - just no sense about how to approach an intelligent self assured woman who is not needy or clingy which is rare by the way! You are single because you are all of those things and have a solid life in your own right and it will take an AMAZING MAN to win your heart! When he does, he will have won an awesome treasure beyond what this world could ever measure!

Christina said...

BAHAHAHA! This kind of stuff happens to me ALL THE TIME. And I always wonder, do I have a sign on my forehead that says, "All obese/creepy/clingy/profusely sweating men, please pursue like your life depends on it" ?? I think I'm too friendly, but the one lesson I've learned is do not give them the benefit of the doubt. There's a reason why you feel hesitation and you shouldn't have to "give someone a chance" if you already know there's not chemistry. My friends tell me that all the time: "You're too picky, give him a chance." All those second chances have only ended badly. It's ok to be a bitch. Cut him off and tell him plainly that you are not, and will never be, interested. Guys need plain language, they don't get subtlety. Better labeled a bitch then stalked, right?