Sunday, October 16, 2011

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Franklin P. Jones

I would say…
I’m never afraid.

But I won’t because I am.

I would say…
I go to sleep every night without a fear or a worry.

But I won’t because I can’t.

I would say…
I never obsessively worry.

But I won’t because I do.

It's a thing with me. I worry.

It's my not-so-secret secret. Its force on my heart is unavoidable - I want to retreat and sometimes I do. I retreat from here, I hide from certain people, I want to run away, and sometimes mentally, emotionally I do.

But I have a choice. There's always a choice. And while I'm excellent at preaching The Choice to people around me, I'm not always good at taking my own advice.

"You have a choice every day," I admonish. "A choice to live your life and make decisions for your life that only you can make."

"Facing the truth and realizing it's actually better than what you're worrying about is a fantastic feeling," I told someone tonight.

I want to say I take my own advice.
But I don't every day.

I want to say I face my own truth.
But most often I run from it.

So, what can I say?

I can say that
I'm getting stronger.

I can say that
I'm getting wiser.

I can say that
these traps that trip me up are losing strength.

I can say that
I choose truth.

And then, the battle raging in my head ceases and peace, like a river, floods in.

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