Thursday, October 16, 2008

My life as illustrated by a doorknob

This is a story, complete with illustrations, because as you all know, what else do I have to do other then sit here, draw illustrations, scan them into the computer, photoshop them and blog about them.

Sometimes, I just need an outlet - which is why I blog. And color sometimes. If it's been years and years and years since you've colored, try it. It's an excellent stress reliever.

Anyway, my morning started very briskly. It got quite cold last night, down to the 40's I heard. I'm in a contest with the elements to see which of us lasts longer: 1) the elements or 2) me with no heat. It's not that I have no heat; it's that I don't want to use it.

Again, anyway...
I did my usual routine of letting the dogs out and then making my way to the bathroom. And moving onto the illustrations:

This is what a normal doorknob looks like. It has a handle. One that you grab and turn to allow entrance from one room to another. However, mine is different.
This is what my doorknob looks like after the doorknob broke off, um, some two weeks ago or something. But I've still been shutting the door all way so the dogs don't go into the office, the bathroom and the laundry room. But it has never shut all the way. Until last night. And I didn't find out about it until this morning when I pushed on the door to open it and lo and behold, it didn't open. And since the doorknob was broke off, I couldn't open it.

Panic ensues. I need my bathroom, I need my make up, I need my hairbrush, I need my toothbrush. I need my CLOTHES! So I get a screwdriver and unscrew the face of the doorknob aparatus. Stuff (like screws and pieces of metal) fall into my hand and the doorknob on the other side of the door falls off.

So this is what I'm looking at. I get a pair of pliars and a pair of needlenosed pliars and a screwdriver. Nothing was budging. I was trying to pull the piece of metal you see jutting out in the illustration but nothing was working. I thought about possibly climbing through the window in the office. But I didn't want the neighbors to see that sight. So I kept tugging and pulling at this damned piece of metal.
And at this point I really had to pee. I sat on the floor by the door wondering how I was going to get myself out of this mess. I was on the verge of one of my "Get over now" attacks but somehow I managed to keep it together.

So I was looking at the piece of metal and wondering if I were a doorknob how would I operate. That didn't get me very far.

Finally, for whatever reason, the thought hit me that instead of PULLING the piece of metal, maybe I should try pushing it.

I'm a genius! It totally worked.
Then I laughed at myself.

It seems that 99% of my life is illustrated in the doorknob illustration. Half the time I'm pulling when I really should be pushing and the other half I'm pushing when I really should be pulling.


Kristin said...

That's deep ...

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

If I had been there, you would've had the door open in a jiffy. I've done so much home repair stuff with my dad that I am now a door knob genius. Impressed is the correct emotion to have here ;)

Amy said...

Love the post and illustrations!

Thanks for hanging out Friday night :). I think I set a record by watching Run Fatboy Run three times in one week.

Oh- and baking bread while writing and watching Titanic sounds great!