Monday, December 5, 2011

melancholy reflection

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you have was once among the things you only hoped for."

When I read this quote on Pinterest, I inhaled slowly and felt it resonate in my soul.

This is the validation for the moments I want to live in, why I must enjoy this moment for this moment is my life.

When I perch myself mentally a distance from my body and my life, I revert to this image I used to have of myself.

I would come into my small but comfortable apartment, or house, or was it a cottage?, and I'd set my purse down on my counter. No one was there except my dog. The air was silent. I would sit down at a desk that was situated near a window and I would write.

From my point of view, it was a mysterious life, but it was the life I wanted.

There isn't much variation from that mental picture and what I live every day, except the weight of responsibility didn't exist in my bird's eye view, which serves me well. I'm able to pinpoint the good things, the things that I wanted, the feeling I want to embody and the cares and worries melt away for a moment.

That's always how it is, isn't it? If we're not careful, we're wishing so hard for the next step and the next phase of the journey that we forget this moment is the one we wanted.

After I moved to New Mexico a little more than three years ago, I was miserable. I was lonely, so lonely, and fenced in with fear. Despite my internal turmoil, I had the wherewithall to comprehend that the moments I was living were ones I wanted and were ones I'd be thankful for later. My responsibility was to keep an open heart and absorb the daily exercises.

They were nine of the most beneficial months of my life.

I was pulling clothes out of the dryer the other day and suddenly this thought was in my head: these are those moments again - ones you're getting bored with, but ones your life wouldn't be complete without.

I never want to fast forward through my life just to get to the best part, because the best part might be this part.

2 comments:

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

There is nothing I don't love about this post. Especially the part about the nine months in NM being the most beneficial. That's how I feel about Brooklyn. Although I still wish I could've made it to a full year. Three months shy....maybe someday

Ryan said...

Just wanted to say that I read that quote at the top of your post here the other night and thought it was great! Thanks for posting it!