Pain exaggerates nearly every emotion I have. When I'm hurting as much as I have been the past week or so, even the smallest task seems insurmountable and I feel myself crumbling from the inside out in despair.
The right side of my writing hand is throbbing, which I'm reminded of every time I go to write something down which is often for me, you know. Sitting amplifies the pain radiating through my back and neck and I do a lot of sitting.
The situations I normally handle with an air of ease nearly bring me to tears. The dog pee on the floor again. The dish washer needing to be loaded. The fact that I can't find any shoes to slip on to run outside to put the dogs up. Sitting down to watch The Bachelor only to discover that it didn't record. Discussing money. Feeling lonely. Thinking about money.
Sometimes my optimism slips. I forget the contract I made with myself (I am a strong and courageous woman!) and somehow the dull continuous pain eats away at my resolve.
It's been awhile since I've been in this place of hurting physically. I'm thankful it's been awhile. I'm looking forward to the next 'awhile.'