Today I went to Wal-Mart for the sole purpose of purchasing 96 pounds of dog food and if anyone wonders why I don't do math-in-head, it's because just now I calculated 48+48 as 62. The calculator saved my life. Again.
Math is not the direction this post is going.
I have had an admirer who I've nicknamed Barefoot and Pregnant (I like to nickname them) and for probably obvious reasons. His name came up recently and my little brother vehemently stated that B&P wasn't "ballsy" enough for me and my little sister chimed in that he couldn't "handle" me.
If anyone knows how to handle me, it's them. And case in point is the following example.
Along with purchasing 96 pounds of dog food, I was in Wal-Mart for a carpet shampooer to clean our living room carpet, which one of our dogs insists on peeing on.
I commented that this would be the last time we shampooed the carpets for this reason because from now on, Jackie would be kept in the garage at night as she has been the past month or so except for when I was gone.
With Elsie trailing behind us, Micah thought it'd be a good idea to argue that Jackie had been put in the garage at night while I was gone.
I knew for a fact this wasn't true and when I know I'm right beyond a shadow of a doubt, my point will be heard.
So I stopped the cart in Wal-Mart.
"I know that Jackie was not put in the garage at night, Micah, because when I got home Sunday at 1 a.m., she was sleeping on the back of the couch. Now why would she be sleeping on the back of the couch at 1 a.m. if she'd been put in the garage like she was supposed to have been?"
"Uh-huh, so I'm right. You didn't put her in the garage while I was gone and she peed on the carpets even more and that's why the whole living room smelled like dog pee when I walked in the house at 1 a.m."
He smiled again. Apparently, I'm kinda funny when I'm proving a point.
He bantered with me till the dog food aisle and then gave in.
He has my edge when he's proving a point.
Last night I arranged to meet a Craigslist buyer at a local gas station at 8 p.m. and Micah asked me if I was planning to go alone. But it wasn't in a "Oh, are you heading out the door by yourself to complete a sale" kind of way. It was a "are you really being this stupid right now as to meet someone off Craigslist after dark?" I know he meant it that way because after I said yes, I was going alone, he asked me if I was that stupid to meet someone off Craigslist after dark.
"I'm really disappointed," he continued. "I'd have thought your citizen's police academy had taught you something."
He and Elsie both went with me.